life etc.

All the Princesses.

Harrods has given us all a cause to relive our childhoods with the new Disney Princess theme for its window display. I actually never want to leave the front of the store and I don’t need much of an excuse to walk past, stop and heave a pleasant sigh. Despite the tourists. Disney defined most of my childhood and has been the cornerstone of the film industry to a large extent- at the end of the day, good wins over evil, the guy gets the girl and everyone lives happily ever after. Its the Disney way and no matter how hard it tries, Hollywood can never quite capture the magic of Disney. And boy does it try.

Over the years Disney has given us Princesses, has awoken the little girls in grown women and allowed us dream the impossible dream and see a whole new world…please feel free to bust into song. Without further ado, I give you the Princesses.

The Queen Bee; Cinderella with a wholesome heart and gentle ways.

Her thing; Orphan with a kind heart, even the animals come when she sings. Only Cindy can make a rat look cute.

Her guy; Prince Charming, of course. But with her lot in life she deserves a break; ugly step sisters, evil step-mother…

Most likely to; have everything and live happily ever after. And be perfect too.

Lesson learned; you can actually walk and dance with glass slippers without having a blister or the shoes shatter. So all a woman needs is the right pair of shoes for happily ever after.

Window; Versace.

Skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood and hair as black as ebony. Why she’s Snow White of course.

Her thing; she is the fairest of them all with nine lives since evil queen step-mother tried and failed to kill her several times. Step-mom is jealous of her too…Disney started the war on step-mothers. #justsaying.

Her guys; Snowy is a playette first The Huntsman and then Prince Charming.

Most likely to; win the Most Beautiful Girl in the World pageant. Never die and definitely enchant the world.

Lesson learned; beauty is from within or something like that. And apples are the root of all evil. Spot the witch if you can.

Window; Oscar De la Renta.

The Little Mermaid called Ariel. Daddy’s little Princess.

Her thing; Killing all with kindness. Ariel is a sweetheart and if the republicans had her on side, they’d win my vote. Giving her old man cause to worry.

Most likely to; bring about world peace.

Most noted for; making Disney cool again, the start of the Disney renaissance.

Her guy; human named Eric (of all the names Disney) whom she saved and against daddy’s wishes wants to be with. The kid’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t.

Lesson learned; sometimes people aren’t what they seem. And the heart wants what it wants.

Window; Marchesa.

Fa Mulan is a badass chick. fact.

Her thing; bravery and honour. She impersonates a man to take up her ageing father’s place in the army to fight against the invasion of China.

Her guy; Li Shang, who spares her life upon discovering that she is a girl.

Most noted for; saving the emperor and in that way saves China (that’s my girl!)

Most likely to; form a coalition with Pocahontas and win the war. Become first female president of the world…you just never know its Disney after all so anything is possible.

Window; Missoni.

Native American Princess. Based on a historic character, legend and folklore of Pocahontas a native American woman.

Her thing; she’s feisty and determined.

Her guy; John Smith (dear disney, we could do with much hotter boy names #justsaying)

Most likely to; colonise a country and win the war.

Lesson learned; there is strength in courage even against all odds. What is right is not always easy.

Window; Roberto Cavalli.

“Rapunzel, let down your hair.” Oi vey she must get so tired of hearing that and must have one hell of a headache.

Her thing; long hair that glows when she sings a particular song. She never gets split ends! Locked away in a tower by crazy mother gothel for said magical hair which restores her youth (botox would have been easier no?)

Her guy; in the Disney version, Flyn Rider swashbuckling rogue who stole her crown and steals her heart. (Disney loves bad boys)

Most likely to; heal the world and be BFFs with Cinderella.

Lesson learned; your hair is really your crowning beauty and always trust your gut.

Window; Jenny Packham.

Princess Jasmine’ Aladdin’s lady.

Her thing; Lounging around in her pop’s Arabian palace, looking pretty and being rescued by Aladdin. (What does she actually do?)

Her guy; ex-conman/honourable thief and not a prince..

Most likely to; become Prom Queen or real housewife of Arabia, jetting around on her magic carpet, dripping in diamonds.

Lesson learned; it pays to be a princess.

Window; Escada.

Sleeping beauty. Really, her name says it all.

Her thing; She likes a good snooze button. I mean she sleeps for most of the story.

Her guy; A prince who rescues her from sleeping.

Most likely to; miss her final exams because the “alarm did not go off.”

Lesson learned; can’t trust fairies…gee thanks.

Window; Elie Saab.

Princess Tiana, from the Princess and the Frog.

Most noted for; Disney’s first Black Princess.

Her thing; hard work and determination and an expert at kissing frogs (suddenly I don’t feel bad for all the frogs I’ve kissed. lol).

Her guy; disinherited Prince who plays a mean ukulele.

Lesson learned; be careful what you wish for, you might just get it. Sometimes kissing a frog will lead you to all kinds of places and you might just find yourself there. And there is a difference between slime and mucus.

Window; Ralph and Russo.

Okay, so maybe there’s no such thing as happy ever after, you just gotta make it work and if it doesn’t there’s always irreconcilable difference, see Hollywood. Not all men are Prince Charming and we can’t all be princesses. The way the world works, its guys like Gaston who always get the girl and it sucks. We all have split ends Rapunzel and as for sleep, we’re lucky if we even get 5 hours of it, Sleeping Beauty, and we all, well most of us, have to work; yes even princesses, Jasmine. That damsel in distress thing is all played out see Wonder Woman and Hilary Clinton we are busy running the world.

But Disney gives us magic and we love it.

So if you’re in London for a little while longer, stop by Harrods and gaze in wonder, even if its for all of ten minutes just mind the tourists.