Sloppy Tales | Getting Back At An Ex…

We all have that moment, the one time in our lives we’d go back to for a do over, if only to get it right and get that small yet mighty satisfaction at having one upped someone that really deserves it. It’s the best kind of petty.

Sometimes in the day there is often that small window of opportunity for pettiness to sip into our thoughts, those moments that take us back to an unpleasant memory that we needed to give more of our pettiness. For me it’s the day my an ex-boyfriend accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. It was a random accusation that came out of left field because I’d never so much as cared for said best friend, he was not my type, I mean not that my ex was my type, but I was too young to have types then so we went with the pre-requisite bad boy bikers with even worse attitudes… the ones our mothers specifically told us to stay away from. If only life could be lived in hindsight. You were right mom! I digress, back to said accusation of assignations with a person of no type of mine…his reasoning if you care to know was quite simple yet the most confounding moment in that entire relationship.

We’d been to see a few friends in the park on a sunny London day, I was dressed in a rather lovely pink halter top, nothing fancy or what not just lovely, it was a gingham material with little pink ribbon ties.  London was brimming with happy people all lolling and enjoying the long summer days… we arrived at the park and the day passed in niceness; lots of laughs and fun had. Nothing untoward right? WRONG! On our drive back home, ex bf turned to me and asked if I was cheating on him with his best friend. Huh? Where did that come from?! I asked him why he would think that? And… are you sitting down for this?

He said and I quote; ‘you wore a pink top and he was wearing a pink shirt did you both plan it?’

Please note that I never not once said more than two words to said bestie, not more than hello or goodbye… but that might have been way too much flirting?

Yup. I once dated a sociopath, because only someone fucking mental would think this far, get so worked up over the colour pink… Who does that?!!

In any case, I think of that moment and what I would have done differently, if given the opportunity of a do-over. You say revenge I say do-over; let’s not get too bogged down by the technicalities. But if I were to go back to that moment in that relationship, I would actually sleep with said friend, maybe let ex boy walk in on us banging our brains out; and then I would break up with him and right after everything go for confession seeking forgiveness like a good catholic girl.

Happy hump day.