wardrobeDressing up is one of the most terrifying things for me to do. I have A LOT of clothes and not enough wardrobe space you see, so nothing is organised. I’m at the stage in my life where a walk-in wardrobe will solve ALL my problems. I can never find anything so I end up buying two or three of the same things; did I really need those three Minnie Mouse t-shirts from Uniqlo last summer? All three still unworn. And what about those shoes from office from eons ago that are still languishing away in their box, brand new and saddened, because there’s just never been a worthy occasion for hooker heels (*S) I swear I can see their sad smiles. I love to play dress up but it is one of life’s most hard-fought wars. And depending on the day, I almost certainly lose. It’s the navigation you see, dress or pants, pants; jeans, cotton or tweed trousers, dress; empire waist, pencil, or 50s, tops; shirt, or blouse, blouse; silk or jersey, cardigan; black or grey or navy, long or short, and and what about stripes. Don’t even get me started on skirts. I don’t wear them but I have them.

The process; it all starts the night before, I go through a selection of fail safe outfits, the key pieces for everyday and match it to the size of the bag. with ten pieces selected, the trying on process begins, we try we toss, we mix, we love, we like, we miss, we toss until nothing works. This can last for several hours, sometimes into the small hours, say 2am. No seriously, it does. Then I spy something lurking in the corner, a pretty dress from two or three seasons ago, yet to be worn. I try it on, hey presto! It works. Or does it?

Morning. Apart from the fact that I am not a morning person, I am now hit with the realisation that alas! my outfit no longer works for a number of reasons too long, too short, not long enough, the cut isn’t right and God almighty my behind! *insert scary face here.* Don’t ask me what happened between sleep and waking up that made me come to this conclusion… I stand in front of the mirror for days, looking and staring and posing and turning and twirling and wondering, does my butt look big in this? Ah it does, it always does, of course it does.

Oi vey.

Which brings me to Resolutions. I make them but never keep them. I mean EVER. By noon of the 1st of Jan I am already breaking ALL my resolutions; stop swearing, no shopping and drinking more water, let’s not forget no cupcakes, eating healthy and all the other clichés we make as we swap one year for another. Resolutions are hard because we want to do everything all at once. But we can’t. We just cannot.

This year however, I made one.I know, I know, but this one has been a long time coming. Every time I’m going out its the same scenario, nothing works and then everything works and then nothing works and then I don’t have anything to wear…you know what I mean? But something occurred to me whilst steeped in a battle between two polka dots dresses; one peach, one navy blue; its not that I don’t have anything to wear, it’s that I have too much to choose from and before you know it, I’m wasting away in a deep pile of clothes with somewhere to go but running very late!

As I’ve said, I have A LOT of clothes, more than ten black coats, several leathers, even a biker jacket or two because I once was a rider’s girl…we’ll leave that for another day. Shoes, Shoes; DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON SHOES!! And I am not even a shoe person. Handbags are my thing; I’m an addict of fine leathers. I have dresses, I have jeans, I have pretty summer things; lots of floral, pastel colours, even that juicy velour. DO NOT JUDGE!

Like every woman I know or maybe that’s just me, I am constantly trying to find that PERFECT something for my wardrobe whether it be a coat, dress, the perfect black handbag…oh the stress. Mom always says there is no such thing as perfection and I get that, but whilst life may not be perfect and I may not be perfect, something’s gotta give. My wardrobe MUST BE PERFECT. Life owes me that. Considering Prince Charming has yet to come and sweep me off my feet. You know what I mean?

I digress.

So for 2013 I set myself up a challenge; to go cold turkey from shopping. For clothes, shoes and handbags; except my birthday presents which are two handbags; 3.1 Phillip lim Pashli leather tote in Navy and The Mulberry Bayswater in Chocolate because that’s how I roll on my birthday; two handbags and a get away. Its non-negotiable so don’t even try to stop me. But other than that; NO CLOTHES, NO SHOES, NO OTHER HANDBAGS AND NO NEW PHONES; I’m famous for changing my number every six months so that’s where that comes from.

Nothing. Cold Turkey! 😦

I may have to go live in an ashram for this to happen because if you know me by now, you’ll know I am a professional shopaholic. Since the age of sixteen I have worked and shopped in that order, at one point I worked two jobs and I have the goods to prove it. Once when I worked as a shop girl in Russell & Bromley we were allowed to put our purchases against out paycheques and guess who went home with £20 after tax and product deductions from what was a £908 wage? I was young though…if that’s a valid excuse.

It may be a problem I don’t know and I may need therapy; I hope not. But either way there you have it.

Please pray for me.