Marriage is a matter of life and death for most, its spending your life with the one you love, till death do you both part. Divorce; we may make light of it, but I don’t believe anyone would go into a union knowing or expecting that union would come to an end…give or take the reality TV star or two, but for the most part, I’m an old soul so I do believe in the sanctity of marriage and all its definitions…
But before marriage comes the proposal and this in my opinion, is why the groom has an out during wedding planning stage because its the highest hurdle to jump and he does all the work. All his partner has to say is a measly, “yes” one little three letter word that makes all the difference. Its all they have to say, yet it seems every time we see a proposal its takes forever to give an answer. I MEAN WHAT ARE THEY THINKING ABOUT?
My friend got proposed to the other day, FINALLY! ( they’ve only been together seven years…*S) it was way overdue and we were all way past excited at this point; wouldn’t you be? But she got the proposal of every girls’ dreams it was a ball of clichés; he got down on one knee, in the presence of her family and friends, said the right words, a little sappy at times but no less perfect, with inserts of happily ever after and all this capped with a stunning diamond ring…”will you marry me?’ he asked and she said…
She left us hanging, left him hanging on one knee. Kneeling is not a particularly pleasant position to be in, let alone on one knee, waiting for the girl of your dreams to agree to spend the rest of her life with you whilst that expectant smile is plastered so achingly on your face, its a lot to handle in ten seconds. It was a brief pause but it felt like forever because it played in slow motion. For one maddening moment I thought she was actually going to turn the poor sod down…I mean; what was she thinking about? the tableware? dessert? Her hair? I’ve never understood that momentous pause a woman takes before she says “yes”. Even worse, is during the wedding just before she says “I do”, you just hope she gets to it. And there’s that moment when the officiating minister asks, “if anyone has any reason why these two should not be married in wedded bliss, please speak now or forever hold your peace…” together with the congregation, I’m sure they are both thinking, hoping and praying that there are no mad exes or crazy people lurking about. Its a series of the most heart stopping pauses, getting married, it really is the darndest thing. But back to the proposal, its simple; if you have been with someone for any amount of time, have loved them at their worst and their best, then that “yes” should be really easy to come by…or so I thought before I asked my friends about that ten second pause and I got to see things from a different point of view.
From what I understand, from those who have been proposed to, its not so much the yes that should be so easily forthcoming its the other things that have suddenly decided to rear their ugly heads at that moment. Its like going through a to-do list if you will and weighing up the cons and pros, odds and ends of everything. Its a sliding doors moment for her; looking at her life if she spends it with him and her life without him. At times its the set up of the proposal; the place, the time, the feeling and at others its that “is he being serious or am I getting punked?” feeling. And then there’s the perfect moment…
Meredith Heron @meredithheron, her ex proposed to her in front of her grade one class. “I wanted to die. So embarrassed, I was thinking please go, not here. Not like this.” I’m in agreement with her here, with a background of confused and giggling children I might have said no…
My friend whom I will refer to as B, laughed when her husband asked for her hand, a rib tickling laughter and I don’t know how they are still married. But eventually when she stopped laughing, she said yes and they have been married since. for her it was “is he having a laugh?”
Allison Noriega, @allyinwonderland didn’t quite expect it, “I was a little bit tipsy so it was more like, is this really happening. My husband actually didn’t get down on one knee I ordered him to after I said yes. And I did say yes immediately after he asked. I’m pretty sure he knew I would :) I wish I would have messed with him more since he did that to me. The week before he kept acting like he was going to propose to throw me off and it certainly worked.” That’s so bloody brilliant ordering him to go on one knee after the “yes”…its like yes, you know I’ll marry you, but you gotta do the one knee thing mate. Love that.
Jessica Quillin @jessicaquillin also thought she was begin ragged. “I was thinking, is he really saying that? I bought my dress 4 months before he proposed. We were leaving the UK and the dress was on sale” How perfectly cute.
The proposal is that life altering, decision making, moment. For all marriage, is a different league to relationships, simply put its all or nothing but for some, there are other forces at play.
Shirley @lovelylanvin, really one of the loveliest person I’ve tweet met, it was a moment of seeing things black and white without the murky middle ground. “we’re both from different countries and even though I’m half Japanese and was brought up in Japan I’m still American and went to American schools in Tokyo…” so it was weighing up the cultural difference. “he’s also the first son which is a big deal in Japan…” ahhh I get this completely, that first son gig is a serious one in many cultures so there is a lot to overcome for some brides marrying into that setting. I think of them as super wives.
Anne Flanders @annieflanders “I remember a big rush of adrenaline and happiness and just thinking how it was one of life’s big moments that was actually happening.”
And it is, the only other important decision you would have to make, you know, besides the table setting and the menu and the table plan and the flowers for the big day, is the perfect dress for the big day…I think when you have the dress, your happily ever after is sorted…almost.
For Meredy Atwood @meredya it was ever so sweet. “I couldn’t believe how nervous he was and thought something was up. When he got down on his knee and showed me the ring I was speechless. It was beautiful, where we were was gorgeous and I couldn’t believe how much I loved him in that moment. I hardly hesitated…I couldn’t wait to say yes and kiss him. It was an incredible moment.” All together now…AWWWW. Meredy you have to show him this article so he knows he got the grand prize…you.
Spending the rest of your life with someone whom you already know, but are about to get to know on a deeper level and forever, is a pretty big deal. Forever is a very long time to have regrets. For those who believe in the institution of marriage, and plenty do, you cannot just wake up and walk away one day because you’ve had enough. Marriage is a deeper level of trust and commitment you are placing in each other and “irreconcilable differences” does not come into the equation. Of course nothing is ever perfect so you don’t say “yes” in hopes of perfection but you do so with the understanding that things will go wrong and when they do, TOGETHER, you fix them.
So I get it, that “yes” may be so little, but its a BIG deal. Of course love should come into play but sometimes, love is not enough there are habits to deal with, quirks to live with and don’t even get me started on the whole in-law movement. For me its waking up next to the person everyday…because I am not a morning person at all, and if I can make it through the morning without murdering him then he is a keeper.
But I might just keep him waiting for the hell of it because there’ll never be such perfect timing to play a cruel joke will there…lol.
So here’s to the ten second pause because you just need that bit of extra time to think forever through. xoxo.